Every year around this time, I get super anxious and jittery. Why? Because June is my birth month. And while I actually like the idea of it, I’ve never been one of those people that celebrates their birthday the entire month. Honestly, I barely recognize it on the day of (and I actually only remembered this year because my mom texted me a happy birthday message!). Instead, that uneasy feeling I get in the pit of my stomach comes from my habit of turning a pretty amazing day into some type of on-the-job performance evaluation. What have I done since my last birthday that was so epic? How have I impacted the world? How do I compare to my Facebook friends and Instagram followers that are the same age as me? Ultimately, what do I have to show for another year of life on this big, round rock?
Over the past several birthdays, these were the thoughts that ran wild and free in my mind. I would have such bad anxiety that I would make myself physically and mentally sick and exhausted. I once heard someone say that comparison is the thief of joy, and this is 100% true. It’s especially true if you spend all your days thinking about the next big thing to accomplish (woot-woot for my fellow overachievers!).
But this year, something just clicked. It may be due to a worldwide pandemic changing my thinking; it might even be due to a couple of changes in my personal life… a new degree, a new haircut; just random stuff. Whatever the reason, I felt grateful for this birthday. Truly grateful. After surviving the fiasco that has been the past year and a half or so, how can you not help but feel relieved to be on the other side of it? Anyways, I actually looked forward to my birthday. Instead of looking at it from the viewpoint of “this being another year that I have not arrived at the place I really wanted to be”, I’ve realized that I’m a heck of a lot further along than I was last year.
In short, it’s okay to be sad, to feel disappointment, and to feel a bit of disappointment with where you are in life. No one is happy all the time, not even Beyonce, right? Besides, the full range of emotions is what makes us human. What is not okay, I’ve realized, is allowing these feelings to overwhelm me to the point that they affect my health. That’s not cool at all.
So, in this new trip around the sun, I’m focusing more on enjoying where I am. I choose to use the feelings of restlessness and anxiety when they do come (because they definitely do still pop up) as fuel for progress toward the goals ahead of me. Because overall, I’m not too upset with who I am. I drink enough water in a day, I try to give more than I take, I like doing good things, I’m an absolute clown and like to make people laugh, I make mistakes but I learn from them…I am okay. And while I have some really huge goals for this year, what I’m equally excited about is the journey.
If you’ve ever felt like me or experienced some of the issues that I’ve faced, you never have to deal with them alone. Thankfully, I have some super amazing people in my corner that always want to see me win (big shout out to my sister for still being friends with me through the mood swings, and big ups to my university therapist; a literal angel). Just in case you haven’t found your village yet, I’ve made a list of local resources and organizations that may be able to stand in the gap for you. Remember, feeling less than great is normal, but it is absolutely okay, and necessary, to reach out when you feel like those negative emotions are taking over your life.
So for the remainder of this month, I’m going to buy myself a cupcake whenever I feel like it, take way too many selfies, have a completely vaccinated party (you should go get vaxxed too!!), and fully enjoy the beginnings of this new birth year.
Have you ever had a birthday “funk”, or had a really hard time around a big life event? What types of things have you done to help overcome it? We’d love to hear…
Mental Health & Substance Abuse Prevention Resources:
Care & Counseling Center of Newton County
1169 Clark Street
Covington, GA 30014
http://www.chipgeorgia.com/mental-health-services-and-counseling-centers.html
C.H.A.N.C.E. Creating Hope
8218 Hazelbrand Rd., NE., Suites B&C
Covington, GA 30014
877-393-818
http://www.chancecreatinghope.org/
GA Crisis and Access Line
1-800-715-4225
https://www.georgiacollaborative.com/providers/georgia-crisis-and-access-line-gcal/
Impact Recovery Connections
829 Oglesby Bridge Road
Conyers, GA 30094
678-787-8509
https://www.facebook.com/Impact2GiveBack/
Viewpoint Health
8201 Hazelbrand Road
Covington, GA 30014
678-209-2601
